that awesome moment when you finished reading a really good book and you see it at a store then you cunningly smile at it as if you had an affair with it.
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You want to say Hi to the cute girl on the subway. How will she react? Fortunately, I can tell you with some certainty, because she’s already sending messages to you. Looking out the window, reading a book, working on a computer, arms folded across chest, body away from you = do not disturb. So, y’know, don’t disturb her. Really. Even to say that you like her hair, shoes, or book. A compliment is not always a reason for women to smile and say thank you. You are a threat, remember? You are Schrödinger’s Rapist. Don’t assume that whatever you have to say will win her over with charm or flattery. Believe what she’s signaling, and back off.
If you speak, and she responds in a monosyllabic way without looking at you, she’s saying, “I don’t want to be rude, but please leave me alone.” You don’t know why. It could be “Please leave me alone because I am trying to memorize Beowulf.” It could be “Please leave me alone because you are a scary, scary man with breath like a water buffalo.” It could be “Please leave me alone because I am planning my assassination of a major geopolitical figure and I will have to kill you if you are able to recognize me and blow my cover.”
On the other hand, if she is turned towards you, making eye contact, and she responds in a friendly and talkative manner when you speak to her, you are getting a green light. You can continue the conversation until you start getting signals to back off.
The fourth point: If you fail to respect what women say, you label yourself a problem.
There’s a man with whom I went out on a single date—afternoon coffee, for one hour by the clock—on July 25th. In the two days after the date, he sent me about fifteen e-mails, scolding me for non-responsiveness. I e-mailed him back, saying, “Look, this is a disproportionate response to a single date. You are making me uncomfortable. Do not contact me again.” It is now October 7th. Does he still e-mail?
Yeah. He does. About every two weeks.
This man scores higher on the threat level scale than Man with the Cockroach Tattoos. (Who, after all, is guilty of nothing more than terrifying bad taste.) You see, Mr. E-mail has made it clear that he ignores what I say when he wants something from me. Now, I don’t know if he is an actual rapist, and I sincerely hope he’s not. But he is certainly Schrödinger’s Rapist, and this particular Schrödinger’s Rapist has a probability ratio greater than one in sixty. Because a man who ignores a woman’s NO in a non-sexual setting is more likely to ignore NO in a sexual setting, as well.
So if you speak to a woman who is otherwise occupied, you’re sending a subtle message. It is that your desire to interact trumps her right to be left alone. If you pursue a conversation when she’s tried to cut it off, you send a message. It is that your desire to speak trumps her right to be left alone. And each of those messages indicates that you believe your desires are a legitimate reason to override her rights.
For women, who are watching you very closely to determine how much of a threat you are, this is an important piece of data.
an excerpt from Phaedra Starling’s “Schrödinger’s Rapist: or a guy’s guide to approaching strange women without being maced” (via lostgrrrls)
HOLY FUCK THE TRUTH.
Can every one of my male followers read this? And please, before you get defensive (“I would never rape anyone!”) keep in mind, women being afraid of Shrodinger’s Rapists (oh my god i still can’t get over the encompassing brilliance of this phrase) is a conditioned, learned response from being immersed in rape culture and the evolution of sexism and sexual violence in our society from the day we’re born. And unfortunately, it’s very difficult to unlearn without the efforts of all genders to dismantle it. Which is where you come in.
(via lil-ith)
“Because a man who ignores a woman’s NO in a non-sexual setting is more likely to ignore NO in a sexual setting, as well.”
(via misandry-mermaid)
- Teacher: Reading a book is better than sex.
- [Class titters]
- Teacher: It’s like a 10-hour orgasm!
- [Laughter increases]
- Girl pipes up: Yeah, and with a book I actually get to finish!
- [Boys’ laughter dies off almost instantly as the girls hoot]
Posts worth reading…
Hello Better Book Titlers!
I wanted to take a moment and share some stuff I wrote in the past week I think you’ll like:
Huffington Post: 10 Books That Taught Me Reading Books is Bullshit
Powell’s Blog: How Rude Customers See Indie Bookstores
Powell’s Blog: A Missing Page from My Book
Powell’s Blog: YELP Reviews are the new novels
And for non-readers, here’s some stand-up…
If you enjoy any of this (or even if you don’t) please consider my book, “How Not to Read”!
Dan
Five facts about reading:
Fact 1: Reading can make you a better conversationalist.
Fact 2: Neighbours will never complain that your book is too loud.
Fact 3: Knowledge by osmosis has not yet been perfected. You’d better read.
Fact 4: Books have stopped bullets - reading might save your life.
Fact 5: Dinosaurs didn’t read. Look what happened to them.
Fun fact: in Romanian, a bookworm is called “şoarece de bibliotecă” which translated to “library mouse” :)
in Serbian,it is “Knjiški moljac’’ which is basically translated as Book Moth :>
In Hungarian it’s “Könyvmoly” which also translates as Book Moth. :)
In Finnish it’s “lukutoukka” which means “reading caterpillar”! ♡
In Greek, it’s “βιβλιοφάγος” which means “he/she who eats books”
In Norwegian it’s “lesehest” which translates to “reading horse”
The only thing I hate about reading is I get so attached to the characters. And after I finish the book, that’s it. I will never learn anymore about them or their life or what they ate for breakfast. No matter how many times I reread the book, I will always only know the same amount. And it saddens me. Finishing a book means losing people close to you.
So fanfiction is book necromancy.
Sweet.
I have a very vivid memory of sitting in a first grade classroom (first grade was my first actual classroom because my mom homeschooled me for kindergarten) thinking “I am literally going to die, I can’t live one more minute without reading a story, but I’ve already gotten my book confiscated for peeking at it during class and I have no backup book and I’m going to die” and then thinking in a burst of divine inspiration “WHAT IF I TELL MYSELF A STORY INSIDE MY HEAD. THEY CAN’T TAKE THAT AWAY FROM ME. PHYSICALLY THEY CANNOT.”
they could not
That’s how it begins
My 5-year-old insists that Bilbo Baggins is a girl.
The first time she made this claim, I protested. Part of the fun of reading to your kids, after all, is in sharing the stories you loved as a child. And in the story I knew, Bilbo was a boy. A boy hobbit. (Whatever that entails.)
But my daughter was determined. She liked the story pretty well so far, but Bilbo was definitely a girl. So would I please start reading the book the right way? I hesitated. I imagined Tolkien spinning in his grave. I imagined mean letters from his testy estate. I imagined the story getting as lost in gender distinctions as dwarves in the Mirkwood.
Then I thought: What the hell, it’s just a pronoun. My daughter wants Bilbo to be a girl, so a girl she will be. And you know what? The switch was easy. Bilbo, it turns out, makes a terrific heroine. She’s tough, resourceful, humble, funny, and uses her wits to make off with a spectacular piece of jewelry. Perhaps most importantly, she never makes an issue of her gender—and neither does anyone else.
- *reading a book*
- Me: I'll just finish this chapter and then I'll go to bed.
- Me:
- Me:
- Me: Oops. I finished the book.
droo216
